Like every little birdy which has to leave its nest one day, we too have to move on from one level to another, from school life to college days, from university campus to workplace, and then to a married life.
Very often we find ourselves lost in the new environment, and need time to get adjusted to the people around us. This is more for an adolescent than to a younger kid, because adolescent is all about having an identity, right from the values we represent, taste and choice of clothes we wear, political ideologies we nurture to the peer group we hang out with, which younger kids seldom realize.
Moreover, we, in our adolescent years, are often engaged in social comparisons, and are also fully aware that people around us are also judging and passing comments about us. Therefore, we become more self-conscious and tend to worry about our appearance all the time, many a times this may lead us to do things which may not be accepted or appreciated by our parents or the community we live in, thus making things a chaos. This is when social adjustment comes into picture.
Defining social adjustment, it is said, it is the success with which we adjust to other people in general or with a particular group we hang out with. It is done by learning social skills like ability to deal diplomatically with others- both friends and strangers- so that others’ attitudes towards us is favourable. It is willingness to help others even if we personally, are inconvenienced.
Some of the traits of socially accepted people are, they are friendly and co-operative, they adjust without making a fuss or disturbing others. They comply with requests, accept their mistakes gracefully, maintain good relationship with people around them by being kind. These people share what they have and are willing to take turn in the responsibility, and do not show partiality towards others.
Primarily, they are group centred rather than ego-centred, they tear down their ego to inflate others, they flatter others by focusing on that person’s good qualities, instead of criticizing his weak or undesirable quality. These people are original in their outlook, yet observe the rules and regulations of the organization they are in, they are mature socially, emotionally and intellectually. For example, they show social maturity by accepting people as they are not criticizing them or trying to change them to fit into their own concept of what they should be.
Their emotional maturity is apparent as they have good control over themselves, they are free of anxiety, temper outburst or display of jealousy. This makes them vigilant and alert to the environment around them. They are intellectually mature because they derive satisfaction from real accomplishments rather than imaginary ones, they know to work when working and play when playing, can so ‘no’ when situations seems to be harmful to their best interests, and can say ‘yes’ to situations that will aid them, can compromise when they encounter difficulties. They concentrate their energy to achieve their goal. The goals which they set are always within their potential, even if their potential is lower than what they desire it to be, because only realistic goals have greater chances of success, and that further boosts their confidence level. For this one needs to recognize and accept his/her weak points and strength. Lastly, and not the least, they accept that life is an endless struggle. Perhaps, this makes them feel secure and confident about their outlook and therefore, they compare favourably with their peers.
While phycologists of today have concluded with the above study, this was mentioned to us 1400 and odd years ago by our prophet. This is called ‘Mu’aashirat’ in Islam. Our religion is not only about ibadah, but it is more about how we live and interact with others, because this in turn makes us happy and satisfied with ourselves, and thus enjoy the inner harmony.
Lament of the Masjid
A few days after Ramadan, many masjids were seen to cry
Someone asked one, why?
You ask me why I am so grieved?
It’s because I have been tricked, I’ve been deceived.
I ask, Oh Muslim, Oh Muslim, where have you gone, where are you?
Was the past month a dream, it doesn’t seem real or true?
Oh my beloved, oh my friend, was it all a drama, was it all a show?
That is why my tears do flow.
Without you, life is no joy.
I don’t understand, was it just a ploy?
I don’t see you any more, do you not love me anymore?
Why are you treating me like a whore?
Why have you abandoned me; why have you left me?
I am lonely without you, do have no feelings, don’t you see?
Why don’t you visit me; why have you not returned?
From the past month – is this what you learnt?
Do have someone else whom you love more than me?
Tell me what it is or who is she?
My soul is empty without you and also my heart,
How can you feel at ease being so far from me, so apart?
You are the one whom the Lord chose for his own remembrance,
So why should I not lament at your absence?
As the Book says to you, ‘Oh Man! What has turned you away from the al-Kareem?’
I also say, ‘Oh worshipper! What has kept you away from me, what ambition, what dream?
Why do I no longer hold any charm?
From where else will you attain inner peace or calm?
I call you every day but you do not respond,
Day by day weakens our bond.
I call you day and I call you at night;
What’s happened – for sure, something’s not right?
Don’t you recognise me anymore, don’t you hear me voice?
Is it deliberate or do you really have no choice?
Have you found someone better than I?
Tell me please, so I can stop me tears, stop my cry.
When will you light me up again; will I have to wait another year?
Going by past experience, that is what I fear.
During Last Month
You visited me for a whole month without fail;
Whether you were healthy, or frail.
Wherever you were, you remembered my way;
You left whatever you were doing – whether it was work or play.
You rushed eagerly towards me before dawn;
Even though you were bleary-eyed and worn.
Then you left your duties and met me again at mid-day;
Eager to hear what I had to say.
And when you were hungry, thirsty and tired, you made me light up when you turned up in the afternoon.
Like young lovers, our meetings couldn’t be too soon.
And, then, at sunset, you once again showed your devotion;
When having had just a few bites, you rushed anxiously to me, full of emotion.
And, finally, at night, when your mind and body demanded rest,
You ignored their demands and chose to give me the best.
You stood attentively on my floor, with aching legs, tired feet, and listened to every word recited;
Although no music or movie was being played, you remained focused and excited.
Although you were standing still, your heart and mind were swaying to and fro;
Not only you, but the whole congregation, row after row.
You even brought your children, your parents, and your wife;
They all rushed into me with hope and anticipation forgetting the worries and strife.
Oh, it was pure ecstasy, to see all members of your family and neighbourhood inside my four walls;
Responding so enthusiastically to my calls.
You came during the day, you came during the night;
You came all dressed up, trying to be upright.
You came in your best attire, you smelt so nice;
To meet me you were willing to pay any price.
At that time, I was the most important place in the universe;
Nothing could divert you from me, not even the fattest purse.
What can be greater than being fuller than the latest malls?
What can be greater than having the words of the Creator recited from cover to cover in your walls?
What pure joy to see every activity come to a halt,
To see the doors of every building except mine being put under a bolt.
You became a part of me, I became a part of you, you frequented me for 30 days and nights,
We helped each other to rise up to new heights.
You breathed life to my dreary grey walls and into my mimbar of wood;
You illuminated me from the inside and outside like no lightbulb or chandelier could.
What delight to see people of all ages, colours, shapes and size;
Running, competing to enter me, not for a paltry gain, nor any worldly prize.
Seeking only to please their Lord, their Creator;
Realising that He is their Guide, Helper, above all, none Greater!
Where Are You Now?
You allowed me to fulfil my purpose,
But alas, all that is in the past, that is gone, that was.
Who is it? What is it? Please tell me? Is it your office? Is it your business? Is it your home?
Remember, you will not find success there, but under my dome.
It is here, it is here, indeed!
I remind you every day, but you no longer pay any heed.
Remember,Man: ‘Life is nothing but amusement and play and competition between one and another;’
Even between a man and his brother.
Remember, Oh Man:‘Rivalry and wealth distracts you until you come to the grave…’
When are you going to break free from the shackles and stop being a slave.
But, Oh foolish one! The time you spent with me, in me, will never let you down;
Think wisely don’t be a clown.
It will not abandon you, not at death – not even after death – in fact, it will remain with you forever.
Think about this, if you have any sense, if you think yourself clever.
So forget me not, nor abandon;
For, I will also bear witness for you before the Almighty, the One.
Think about your direction, your way;
Come back, come back,don’t stray.
Return to me, I am waiting with open arms for you,
And above me, the angels and your Maker too!
Return to me, and I will forget that you ever abandoned me or were disloyal;
It won’t be easy, you will have to toil.
Return to me, return to me, return to me, return –
Control your desires and let them burn.
Let us recreate that feeling of the month past,
I know it’s hard, but the mercy and help of our Lord is vast.
But that is what you were created for; you can be stronger and firmer than a mountain;
Come, come, refresh yourself in my cool fountain.
Just make a pledge that you will visit me at least five times;
And will not let anything stop you, whether dollars or dimes.
Make a pledge that you will never abandon me – Ramadan or not;
Make a pledge that you will visit me in thick and thin, whether cold or hot.
Make a pledge that you will not let other things come between you and me;
Make a pledge that when you hear my call, you’ll leave everything and flee.
I also make a pledge that I will comfort your heart and mind,
You, with your Maker, I will bind.
I will be your companion and guide;
I will never let you down, I’ll be by your side.
I will bear witness for you on the Day it matters most;
When none will help you, not an individual nor a host.
So come back to me,
Come back to success, come back to me!
Did you Know…?
- Lightning is a very powerful source of energy and a single lightning can light up the bulb for 3 months.
- To clean its ears from the dirt a giraffe uses its tongue.
- A single mummy took 70 days to make and it is found in a research that Egyptians made total of 70 millions of them.
- The heart pumps enough blood within a year to fill up a Olympic Game standard swimming pool.
- Crocodile can live as long as 100 years and it can have 2,500 pounds of weight.
- Corks that are used to seal-off the mouth of bottles are made by oak tree and one large oak tree can produce 100,000 soft corks.
- Stars in the galaxies are 2.5 trillion and blood vessels in human body are 250 trillion.
- 1,300 degree Fahrenheit is a very high temperature and it can easily melt the steel off. A person named David Barry walked 165ft in length on burning coal,in 1998,which was having the temperature mentioned above.
- Formula One Racing car races at average speed of 170 miles per hour and a golf ball when gets hits from front strike has the same speed.
- You can’t talk on the moon. On the top layer of moon when the gravity is too low, there is no atmosphere and when someone utters something, the words won’t reach the next person’s ear.
- A volcano was recorded to burst out at the speed of 250 miles per hour in 1980 known as St. Helen which was faster than Japanese bullet train.
- A commercial plane can fly at the altitude of maximum 35,000ft., and a bird can fly at the altitude of 37,000ft.
- Though human noses have an impressive five million olfactory cells with which to smell, sheep dogs have 220 million, enabling them to smell 44 times better than man.
- Using their swivelling ears like radar dishes, experiments have shown that dogs can locate the source of a sound in 6/100th of a second.
- The theobromine in chocolate that stimulates the cardiac and nervous systems is too much for dogs, especially smaller pups. A chocolate bar is poisonous to dogs and can even be lethal.
- There are 701 types of pure breed dogs.
- The phrase “raining cats and dogs” originated in 17th Century England. During heavy downpours of rain, many of these poor animals unfortunately drowned and their bodies would be seen floating in the rain torrents that raced through the streets. The situation gave the appearance that it had literally rained “cats and dogs” and led to the current expression.
- The first seeing-eye dog was presented to a blind person on April 25, 1938.
- The common belief that dogs are color-blind is false. Dogs can see color, but it is not as vivid a color scheme as we see. They distinguish between blue, yellow, and gray, but probably do not see red and green. This is much like our vision at twilight.
- Some 39% of pet owners say they have more photos of their pet than of their spouse or significant other. Only 21% say they have more photos of their spouse or significant other than of their pet.
- Scientists have discovered that dogs can smell the presence of autism in children.
- ‘Seizure Alert’ dogs can alert their owners up to an hour before the onset of an epileptic seizure.
- Most pet owners (94%) say their pet makes them smile more than once a day.
- It has been established that people who own pets live longer, have less stress, and have fewer heart attacks.
- Every known dog except the chow has a pink tongue – the chow’s tongue is jet black.
- Every year, $1.5 billion is spent on pet food. This is four times the amount spent on baby food.
- Many of the Crusaders are represented with their feet on a dog, to show that they followed the standard of the Lord as faithfully as a dog follows the footsteps of his master.
- Dogs are mentioned 14 times in the Bible.
- Dogs can hear sounds that are too faint for us to hear, and also can hear noises at a much higher frequency than we can. Their hearing is so good that they probably rely more on sound than on sight to navigate their world.
- Before the enactment of the 1978 law that made it mandatory for dog owners in New York City to clean up after their pets, approximately 40 million pounds of dog excrement were deposited on the streets every year.
- Cats have better memories than dogs. Tests conducted by the University of Michigan concluded that while a dogs memory lasts no more than five minutes, a cat’s can last as long as sixteen hours – exceeding even that of monkeys and orangutans.
- Cats have more than one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
- Cats, not dogs, are the most common pets in America. There are approximately 66 million cats to 58 million dogs, with Parakeets a distant third at 14 million.
- Contrary to popular belief, dogs do not sweat by salivating. They sweat through the pads of their feet.
- An estimated one million dogs in the United States have been named the primary beneficiary in their owner’s will.
- The word ‘Kalb’ is mentioned five times in the Qur’an. It is used to describe people who reject the signs of Allah (swt). (Incidentally, they are also mentioned five times in the Qur’an).
- The longest living dog in history is also mentioned in the Qur’an in Surah Kahf. It is the dog who was with youth who slept in the cave for 309 years. So its age must have been between 309-320 years.
Wisdom of the Muslim World
- A visitor comes with ten blessings, eats one, and leaves nine.
- A wise man does his own work.
- A wise man remembers his friends at all times; a fool, only when he has need of them.
- At table keep a short hand; in company keep a short tongue.
- Beauty passes; wisdom remains.
- Better a calf of one’s own than a jointly owned cow.
- An open door invites callers.
- It takes 100 years for a cave stalactite to grow 1 inch!
- The Khone waterfall on the Cambodia-Laos border has the greatest volume of water of any waterfall in the world. About 410,000 cubic feet of water falls over its drop of 45 feet every second! Niagara Falls has a volume of half of that.
- The Sahara desert in Africa is as large as all of the United States. It covers an area of over 3 million square miles!
- There are about 9,500 different kinds of grass in the world.
- Every continent has a city named Rome except Antarctica.
- It takes about two years for a pineapple to grow to its full size.
Fajr in the Masjid
A man woke up early in order to pray the Fajr prayer in the masjid. He got dressed, made his ablution and was on his way to the masjid.
On his way to the masjid, the man fell and his clothes got dirty. He got up, brushed himself off, and headed home. At home, he changed his clothes, made his ablution, and was, again, on his way to the masjid.
On his way to the masjid, he fell again and at the same spot! He, again, got up, brushed himself off and headed home. At home he, once again, changed his clothes, made his ablution and was on his way to the masjid.
On his way to the masjid, he met a man holding a lamp. He asked the man of his identity and the man replied “I saw you fall twice on your way to the masjid, so I brought a lamp so I can light your way.” The first man thanked him profusely and the two where on their way to the masjid.
Once at the masjid, the first man asked the man with the lamp to come in and pray Fajr with him. The second man refused. The first man asked him a couple more times and, again, the answer was the same. The first man asked him why he did not wish to come in and pray.
The man replied “I am Satan.”
The man was shocked at this reply. Satan went on to explain, “I saw you on your way to the masjid and it was I who made you fall. When you went home, cleaned yourself and went back on your way to the masjid, Allah forgave all of your sins. I made you fall a second time, and even that did not encourage you to stay home, but rather, you went back on your way to the masjid. Because of that, Allah forgave all the sins of the people of your household. I was afraid if i made you fall one more time, then Allah will forgive the sins of the people of your village, so i made sure that you reached the masjid safely.”
So do not let Satan benefit from his actions.
Do not put off a good that you intended to do as you never know how much reward you might receive from the hardships you encounter while trying to achieve that good.