RIGHTS OF PARENTS ON CHILDREN

It shows that if a person obeys his parents and attends to their needs and comforts and keeps them happy, he will attain Paradise. On the other hand, whoever is rude and disobedient to his parents and offends them by ignoring their feelings or causing them grief in any other way is destined to make his home in Hell.

The purport of it is that anyone who seeks to please God should earn the good pleasure of his father. To keep the parents well-pleased is essential to the earning of the countenance of the Lord while the anger and displeasure of the father leads to His anger and displeasure. In it, the word Walid is used which means ‘father,’ while the equivalent for ‘mother’ in Arabic is Walidah. Thus, mother is not specifically mentioned in this Tradition, but as it is distinctly stated in the Tradition we are now going to discuss, the position of mother is even higher than that of father and, as such, her pleasure or displeasure will carry an equal significance.

The name of the questioner is not given in Abu Hurairah’s narrative, but in Tirmizi and Abu Dawood, it is related, on the authority of Bahez b. Hakeem b. Muawiya Qushairi, that his father, Muawiya b. Haidah Qushain, had asked the Apostle of God: “Man Abarro (Whom should I serve and take care of)? (Whose claim to my thoughtful attention is foremost)?” The Prophet replied, “Ummaka (Of your mother).” He then asked, “Summa Man? (Who comes next)?” The Prophet replied, “Ummaka.” He, once again, asked, “Summa Man” “Ummaka,” the Prophet replied again. After it, he asked for the fourth time, “Summa Man?” “Abaka Summal Aqraba Fal Aqraba.” (After your mother is the claim of your father, and, then, grade by grade, of your relatives to loving kindness and affection),” the Prophet replied.

The subject-matter of both the narratives and even the phrasing of the questions and answers is almost identical. It is, therefore, highly probable that the questioner referred to in Abu Hurairah’s narrative was Muawiya b. Haidah Qushairi, on the authority of whose grandson, Bahez b. Hakeem, the other report has been quoted in Tirmizi and Abu Dawood. Anyhow, the purport of both the Traditions, evidently, is that where care and kindly treatment are concerned, the claim of mother is greater than that of father. From the Qur’an, too, it appears to be the same for at many places in it, the pain and suffering the mother has to bear during pregnancy and at childbirth and in fostering and bringing up the children has been mentioned, in particular, along with the exhortation of showing kindness to parents.

We have already seen Abu Umama’s narrative that “parents are the Heaven and Hell of their children.” It, too, is obvious that parents need most to be looked after carefully in old age and to serve them devotedly in that state is most pleasing to the Lord and an easy way to attain Paradise. Hence, anyone who gets an opportunity to serve his parents in the declining years of their lives and does not make the best use of it, as a means to the attainment of Paradise, undoubtedly, is a most wretched person.

Perhaps, there was reason for the holy Prophet to believe that the parents of the person concerned were in need of his help and attention and he had left them and come out for Jihad without taking their leave. That is why, he told him to go home and take care of them for, in those circumstances, the service of the parents was more important. It must, however, not be supposed that anyone whose parents are alive should not take part in Jihad, and only those were to do so whose parents had died. In fact, the parents of a large number of the Companions who joined in Jihad along with the Apostle of God were living.

Apparently, the mother of Jahima needed attention, and, hence, the Prophet gave him the advice.

Though all good deeds annul evil deeds, some are more efficacious. The above Tradition tells that the service of parents, maternal aunt and maternal grandmother are among the acts by whose propitiousness even the repentance of the worst of sinners and evil doers is accepted and they are forgiven.

Asma was the daughter of Abu Bakr and an elder sister of Ayesha Siddiqa from a different mother. Her mother’s name is given in the narratives as Qutaila bint Abdul Uzza, and Abu Bakr had divorced her even during the Age of Perversion. Anyhow, she had ceased to be his wife before the dawn of Islam and had held fast to her Polytheistic creed. When, after the Treaty of Hudaibiyah, it had become possible for the Pagans of Makkah to go to Madinah and for the Muslims of Madinah to go to Makkah, she had come to Madinah to visit her daughter. It was then that Asma enquired from the Apostle of God how she was going to treat her: whether she should have nothing to do with her, as she was a Pagan, or treat her like a daughter and show kindness. The Prophet told her to be kind and considerate and behave towards her as was a mother’s due. Earlier, we have quoted the Qur’anic verse that if anyone’s parents were Polytheists, and they also wanted him to follow their faith, he should decline to do their bidding, but continue to be kind and respectful to them.

In both of these Traditions only the friends or brothers of the father have been mentioned, but as already stated, the claim of the mother is even greater with regard to it. Besides, in Abu Usaid Sa’idi’s narrative we have just quoted, it is clearly told that both father and mother have the claim on their children after their death that they treat their relatives and friends with attention and honour.

Just as to obey one’s parents and treat them with respect and affection is a virtue of the highest order and becomes an atonement even for major sins, to beseech the Lord earnestly, after their death, to show mercy to them also is an act which, on the one hand, brings comfort to them in their graves and, on the other, serves as an expiation for the wrongs the children may have committed in that respect, and they become worthy of Divine mercy and beneficence in the Hereafter. In the Qur’an, the Muslims have been exhorted particularly to pray for the salvation of their parents. It says: “And say: ‘My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little’ (XVII: 24).

Traditions like it are not inconsistent with the doctrine of predestination. It was known to God from the beginning of time that such-and-such a man will be kind and obedient to his parents and, therefore, the span of life alloted to him was greater than that it would have been were it otherwise. All the Traditions in which tidings of abundance in sustenance are given should, also, be seen in the same light though prosperity or poverty, too, is determined beforehand.

In another report appearing also in Bukhari, the aforementioned acts have been condemned as Akbarul Kaba’ir the most deadly among the deadly sins. The order in which the holy Prophet has set them forth shows that the disregard and violation of the rights of parents is next in gravity only to Polytheism, and even more serious than murder.

It shows that to say or do anything to anyone as a result of which he may start abusing one’s parents is, in effect, similar to abusing one’s own parents and belongs to the category of major sins. We can imagine from it what an important place respect for parents occupies in the moral and social teachings of Islam and how careful should one be about it.