Letters to the Editor
Q: In the recent days, Narendra Modi has tried to build his image as a person caring for every section of the society. However, it must be worrying for Modi that his associates seem to be spoiling the game plan. If he himself is cautious against using anti-minority tone, the likes of Togadia, Giriraj and Kadam unhesitatingly and fearlessly express anti-minority stand; which is said to be the core unofficial agenda of the BJP and its affiliate outfits. By showing Kadam and Giriraj the way out of the BJP, Modi can send a clear message that he has the guts to cleanse the party he represents from criminal minded persons.
Abdul Hameed Yousuf,
We believe this letter should have gone to him who has been addressed. Ours is an Islamic religious magazine, read by a small number of people, who, we assume, treat politics as of secondary interest.
Q: Please let me know a few Ahadith on Silah Rahmi and their numbers along with the source.
Although there are many, here are four Ahadith:
- `A’isah (ra) reports the Prophet as having said, “Rahim (joining the ties of kinship) is hung by the `Arsh. It says, ‘He who joined me, Allah will join him and he who severed me, Allah will sever him.” (Muslim, 6682)
- Anas b. Malik (ra) said that he heard the Prophet say, “Whoever wishes that his provision be enlarged or his life-term be extended, may join the ties of kinship.” (Muslim, 6687)
- Abu Hurayrah (ra) reported the Prophet as having said, “Learn your descent on the basis of which you join the ties of kinship, for joining the ties of kinship is a source of increase in wealth and lengthening of the life-term.” (Hakim, 7284)
- `Abdul Rahman b. `Awf(ra) says he heard the Prophet say, “Allah says, ‘I am Rahman.I have derived Rahimout of My name which, whoever joined it, I shall join him, and whoever severed it, I shall sever him.’” (Abu Da’ud, 1694)
Q: I introduce myself as a woman who is married since five years and have no children. Firstly, I need to know why any of the parents can’t accept their daughters-in-law as their own daughters. I have seen this everywhere, parents don’t accept their daughters-in-law as their daughters and so daughters-in-law too don’t accept their in-laws as parents.
Parent in-laws cannot accept their daughter-in-law as a daughter because she is not their daughter. She is the daughter of her sires. It is unnatural to expect people to accept and treat another’s children as theirs.
Q: When a girl leaves her whole family, her beloved parents, and tries to adjust with her husband, new parents, their relatives, why can’t the family accept her how she is?
It is not the girl alone who leaves behind her family at marriage, it is also the boy who leaves his family behind. Both of them, after a couple of years of learning and experiment, set up a new home without their respective parental families being in.
Further, her parents-in-law are not obliged to accept her‘how she is.’
Finally, if the boy is not able to set up his own home, then, if he is too poor, everyone must learn to live together. But if he doesn’t work hard enough to be able to set up his own home, then he is only half-male.
Q: She tries her level best to know their likes dislikes and go according to the family but still she will be blamed for anything and everything, and even her parents, who are not in the picture, get blamed.
So are you speaking of a husband who is: lazy, uneducated, pretending rich, but actually dependent on his father’s earnings? He cannot set up his own house, so forces his wife to share a home and kitchen with her parents-in-law. That’s what you seem to be saying.
But the arrangement appears to be not so welcome to the parents-in-law. Perhaps, their son is as sensitive as wood and so, they show their four-fold frustration to their daughter-in-law to force her to exercise her own powers to convince the husband that he must end the parasitic engagement with his parents and decamp.
The boy’s parents are to be blamed for this situation who watched TV-showswith the son in the lap, with a chocolate in the ‘lovely’ boy’s mouth, instead of ‘beating the hell out of him’ for not being a first class student, for not doing his five daily prayers, and for not growing into a self-reliant, self-dependent, hard-working man.
Q: How can a woman tolerate this pain when her parents are insulted in front of her?
It is quite unpleasant to be trapped into that situation. But, if your husband qualifies to be the way we have described him, what else can you do but to bear it all?
There is, of course, no use persuading your husband to move out; if he could, perhaps he would have by now. But if he can, try it out with him. Yet be careful with him. He has, after all, tasted, as the Prophet (saws) described, ‘your honey’ and, might not be too unwilling to part company with you, if pestered. And, another can be as gallant as this one, because the Ummah produces plenty of this kind.
Q: What are the duties of a daughter-in-law towards her parents-in-law and vice versa?
There are no binding duties except what humans deserve in situations of dire need. Islamically, serving your parents-in-law is charity – such as cooking for them, doing their beds, or washing their dishes, etc. You will be amply rewarded for whatever you did for them of that nature. But you may not be forced to offer these services. If, for instance, they do not, although healthy, attend to their personal work, but rather, expect you to do, and you are not willing, then they are sinning and will offer you the wages on the Day of Judgment.
Q: My husband used to come home but was not staying with me.
Perhaps you mean he slept in another room. Lack in libido power is usually at the root of other problems that spoil marital relationship.
Q: My parents came and asked for forgiveness from my father-in-law but still he didn’t forgive.
Since your in-laws are angry with you, there was no point in your parents seeking their pardon.
Q: Once a doctor told that I have to be with my husband during my fertile period and so my husband came for a week. After that, one night, he just entered our home and he got a call from his father as to know where he is.
This only confirms our libido suspicion, and adds to it that the man is a weak personality. The behavior of your parents-in-law doubles up their failure. Consulting a family counsellor might help them out.
Q: Everyday my father-in-law is torturing me. Even if I stand simply, he has a problem, whether I work or not work. In everything I do, he finds fault. Once, during Ramadan, I finished all my Iftar preparations and was in Zikr during `Asr time;but even during that time he asked which Namaz is this.
Even if I had to fast NafilRoza, he has questions as to why? Now my parents don’t visit me. Even if they come, my father-in-law doesn’t come out of his room.
He doesn’t like seeing my face. So much hatred towards me, I have not spoken a word to him. He, however, keeps insulting me and my parents in front of my husband. What should I do? I don’t visit my parents either.
Sometimes I feel I should run away from here.
Do not run away. You may try the suggestion below. If that doesn’t work, insist on your husband that you need to see a counselor yourself. (You, not he). The counselor will, after speaking to you, certainly want to see your husband. He will then advise both of you suitably.
Q: Even as I am writing this email, my husband is sleeping peacefully and my father in-law insulted me and my parents even today in front of my husband.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health & Neuro Sciences (NIMHANS), Bangalore, ten percent of Indians have mental problems. But it is suspected that it is several times higher among Muslims – perhaps, it is four times higher. Your father-in-law appears to be psychic. Treat him as a patient.
We are not implying that your attitude towards them is not playing any part. But, they must accept you, or reject you. Their rejection should end in they coaxing their son to set up his own house.
Q: I agree that my husband should not tell anything to his parents. But, as a husband, what he has to do? For a girl, after marriage, her husband is superior to anyone else.
In some religions, husband is a demi-god. This is not an Islamic concept.
Your in-laws need to undergo a massive educational program. But it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen. So bear it out, until Allah makes an opening.
Q: I don’t answer back anyone: my husband or my father-in-law. Whenever they are angry, I just keep quiet and pray to Allah.
This is a proper response. When they shout at you, an angel comes to your defense. If you answer back, he leaves.
The best option at the moment is to separate out from your in-laws. Next, speak to a doctor and explain the libido problem. He might suggest some erotic-appetizer pills. (Psychologists/ psychiatrists often resort to this when they find that the youthful husband prefers to sleep separately for a number of days). Find a way to deliver to your husband the pills;but, obviously, without he suspecting that ‘work is being done on him.’
But the above can only be attempted successfully if you are away from the in-laws. If you are living with them, they will soon come to know and spoil the game.
Q: Why is my husband not supporting me in atleast trying for a child? I have suggested him a co-wife also.
One is already difficult for him to handle. Such suggestions then, might scare him more, lose his temper more, and encase him in a cocoon more.
Q: Sir,I need a loan of seven lakh rupees for doing my Master’s degree,as I got selected in IBS Pune college. So, can I know the details about how to apply for an Islamic loan?
We regret that although YMD itself often needs loans, yet, we do not know the bodies which can be approached.
Q: In one of your editorial you mentioned the following:”Muslim scholars had predicted the establishment of the State of Israel, even before the Zionists had appeared in Europe. They had then predicted that such a State would not last long.”Can you please give the list of those scholars and what did they predict about the state of Israel in detail?
Mohammad Ilyas Mir,
Mawlana Ashraf Ali Thanwi is one of them. And, perhaps following him (or maybe not), others had expressed the same idea.
As for the final source of the idea, we could not find it. But it is beyond our power to find sources of personal opinions of every scholar.
Q: What do you say about Zakir Naik? Is he right? And should I follow his words?
There is none – including us in this magazine – whose words you could follow. There are two main branches of Islamic teachings: (a) Legal Rulings and (b) Moral and Spiritual teachings. In matters of the first, follow one of the four Schools of Fiqh (not their Imams) and in matters related to the Moral and Spiritual teachings, follow the Qur’an and Sunnah directly, through your own study, seeking some writings of Sufis, such as Imam Ghazali. You could also read some Malfuzat and Maktubat literature, in this regard.
Q: Are the Fatawa issued by Dar-ul-Uloom Deoband right?
You may first check whether those are truly Fatawa of Deoband; because there are many quoted by the so-called Deobandis as Fatawa of Deoband, but which might, or might not, be their Fataawaa. Therefore, your dependence should be on those that are found in printed works. Such of them are trustworthy and, hence, you may follow them; or rather, must follow them.
In addition, there are some minor works in Fiqh, like those of Mufti Shafi` Deobandi and others,or Khalid Saifullah Rahmani, which can be followed.
Yet, that may not be enough. You need to then consult those that are known as: Fatawa Imdadiyyah, Fatawa Rahimiyyah, or Fatawa `Alamgiriyyah. They are massive Hanafiyy works. Whatever your case, you will, perhaps, not be required to look into any other.
Be warned, however, that under no circumstance should you try to work out the Law by yourself through your own study of the Qur’an and Sunnah. This is not the fieldwork of renowned scholars; but rather, fieldwork of several generations of renowned scholars; or of the entire School of Fiqh such as, Hanafiyyah, Shafe`iyyah, Hanabilah and Malikiyyah without a fifth that can match the four.
We have named Hanafiyy Fiqh books above. If you wish to follow any other of the three Fiqh Schools, there is no fault, so long as you remain following one School.
Finally, under no circumstance should you depend for Law on any scholar. They can only be consulted to help you on with your personal studies of the texts.
The system in place frees you from the intellectual slavery of scholars (Taqleed) and binds you to a School consisting of hundreds of scholars. Allah says in the Qur’an, “Ask the people of Dhikr (knowledge and Taqwa), if you do not know” (16: 43 & 21: 7). Note the Ayah did not say, “Ask an individual”, but, “a people.” And, it did not qualify them as, “scholars,” but as, “of knowledge and Taqwa.” Not every scholar belongs to the lofty group called Ahl al-Dhikr.