Letters to the Editor
Zeeshan Abdullah, via email
I am a 14-yrs old girl and a reader of YMD. The questions I want to ask is: I make friends with all hope and honesty, but I don’t know why they cheat me.
You are just about to enter into the age of maturity both of body as well as mind. In your childhood you were on the nature on which Allah created you, although it was being gradually altered by the human environment around you. But now that you are stepping into the thresholds of maturity, you are about to discover – among other shocking things – that the world we live in is steeped in dishonesty. You will discover that people around you are dishonest to their Creator, to his creations, and to themselves. In consequence, this trait leads to the creation in them of various other vile qualities. Many of them you and your likes abhor now. But, regretfully, you are equally liable to fall victim to them.
The vile qualities of our mention are so widely spread now that a return of the humans to their natural state seems to be an impossibility, unless Allah were to will otherwise. For Muslims, the chances are no better that what they are because they have His Revelation which they ignore. A strict course of spiritual medication through the Revelation, followed over an appropriate period promises redemption to individuals.
At this crucial point of your life, when you have to adopt ways and fix directions, you need to pay attention to your own self, rather than to others. Will you go their way? – is a question you have to ask yourself. If not, then, what drastic changes will have to be introduced in your life and activities, to avoid some people asking the same question about you a couple of years later?
My second question is: as in schools we share secrets and they make us promise not to say anything to anyone, if we break those is it a great sin?
It is definitely a sin for a person to divulge information that he or she had pledged to keep secret. Someone who cannot be trusted is not a believer.
And my third question is: we all believe that Hazrath Mohammed was very honest and Allah too so loved him that He made him from His noor. If so, then why did He give so many problems to him in life? Please forgive me for my mistakes made and answer in short so that I can understand.
Allah did not create our Prophet Muhammad, from His noor. Muhammad, on whom be peace, is no part of the Divinity in any sense. Allah is high and above what they attribute to Him. He is above all: in his Being and Attributes. He is “apart” and “separate” from His creations in every sense of the term.
The idea that Prophet Muhammad was created out of Allah’s noor is rooted in Wahdatul Wujud (Transcendental Unity) – an idea of pagan origin, adopted in the apparent sense by ignorant ascetics, but universally rejected by the mainstream scholars. Those who have accepted the idea as valid have been systematically shown the errors and inconsistencies embedded in the idea, which they have as consistently ignored.
The idea of the Prophet being made of Allah’s noor has also been influenced by the Christian doctrine of Trinity. Misguided Muslims do not wish to be left behind so as to be able to say that if Christ was one of the Trinity, and hence a part of the Divinity, then, Muhammad cannot be denied the same status, which is obtained through the idea that he was created out of Allah’s noor.
The question as to how Allah could subject the Prophet to calamities is immediately dissolved once it is accepted that he was a human being, selected for receiving the Revelation, like the earlier Prophets and Messengers who were also selected to receive Revelations.
The fact that he received Revelation did not mean that he was less, or more human in any sense; that he was transformed into an angelic substance; that he became a super human to whom the laws of Nature were not applicable. He remained human, and Allah tries all humans, including Prophets and Messengers. They too need to achieve salvation, they too need to earn their Paradise, they too need to struggle for obtaining it. Prophet Muhammad said, “The most tried of the human beings are the Prophets.” They are tried until their minor neglectful acts – if any – are washed away from their records so that they can enter Paradise before any of their followers. This explains the greater severity of their trials. Prophet Muhammad said, “I was tortured in the way of Allah like no one else was tortured.”
Faisal Ali, via email
I am a regular reader of your digest. Masha allah, your digest is very helpful and also very useful. Inshallah, may Allah continue this for long. I am a student and have just finished my PUC. Nowadays, I don’t know why my attitude towards my parents has changed a lot. I don’t know what is wrong, but every day me and my parents, for some thing or other, have an argument and it leads to some big problem like my father stops talking to me or he thinks that I am not obeying him or some things like that. It may be any issue about Islam or something else. Any thing: we just fight on that issue.
As you enter into manhood and acquire or work out your own opinions and judgment of people, things and events around you, the chances of you being different in mind and spirit from your elders will increase. In some cases you will be right in differing from them, while in some cases, time will prove you wrong. If your elders also realize this important point, then, both will be willing to accept each other, even the while differing with each other. If both the parties believe that the truth is on his or their side, and their side alone, then, friction will grow especially if you are neither allowed your free will, nor shown why your opinions are wrong. The responsibility then, of maintaining sound relationship between you and your elders, especially the parents, has to be shared. You need to respect them, and accommodate their opinions without your own being subdued to theirs at the cost of reason, logic, and religious knowledge.
On your part, you have to remain the dutiful son that you are required to be by Islam, ignore your parents’ real or perceived wrongs and keep not only the ear open for them but also the channel of communication. At no time should it happen that you are not in no-talk terms with your parents. Arguments or heated conversations must be completely avoided as they are signs of low culture or mental imbalance, unacceptable to Allah, and what lead to a Gulf between parent and child that are not easy to remove.
My father is against tabhlighi jamat and does not allow me to go with them during my holidays. On the other hand, my mother wants me to go in jammat. But my dad wants me to join some madrasa which is run by sunnis.
By Sunni, you mean perhaps those who approve of Chilla & Chehlum, who believe the Prophet is Hadir and Nazir (present, and observing [us]), that his waseelah is necessary for the acceptance of supplications, that visits to the tombs (Dargahs) is beneficial, etc.
I don’t care if it is sunni or tablighi: I don’t want to compare both. I know we are Muslims and we belong to Allah even if it’s sunni or tablighi. But I am not able to put the things right. I get irritated from my house and want to stay away from everyone. I know it is very bad but I don’t have any other go. I want to stay with my family, but this way I am getting away from them. It is hurting me a lot. So I asked my parents to put me in some hostel but they are not ready for that also. I am very confused: please help me. I don’t know what to do?
Although your father does himself wrong by opposing the Tableeghi Jamat, and has done you a wrong by preventing you from going with them, you have to still maintain your outward and inward decorum with him and wait for a change of heart. May be he will change his stance, or may be, as the years advance, he will decide to loosen his control on you. There is no reason to mentally or spiritually split from him, and categorize him into belonging to any category but parental. You have only one father. You cannot afford to lose him. Your salvation does not depend on the salvation of your parents. It depends on how you treat them, whatever their own fate and whatever their own practices.
I am overwhelmed with your services to humanity, May Allah (swt) help you succeed in your mission. Myself being a mother wants to know, what does Islam say to those mothers who differentiate between their children, e.g. girls and boys, extra facilities to boys and unlikable restrictions on girls. Is this a major sin? And what are the side effects of this in our daily life and on the world? I will be thankful and hope you’ll suggest and show me a right way.
Nasreen Jahan, via email
The Islamic Shari`ah requires parents to treat their male and female children, not equally, but justly; i.e., observing the rules of `Adl. They should be differentiated, but, to deliver `Adl.
In outward attitudes, interactions, demonstrations of love, emotional care, etc., both should be treated equal. Once a male child appeared and the host whom the Prophet was visiting, kissed him and took him on his lap. Then there appeared his female child. The host did not kiss her and did not take her on his lap but seated her on his side. The Prophet objected and said, “Why did you not kiss her and take her on your lap.” Thus, both the female and male child should be treated equally in parental care, emotional demands and psychic needs.
On the other hand, in matters involving intellectual needs, development of abilities to deal with practicalies of life, especially, economic skills, absolute parity between male and female children is not necessary as equal treatment in this regard falls under the purview of zulm rather than `Adl. For example, a girl does not necessarily need lengthy professional education because in Islam she is not required to support the family. That is strictly a male’s job. Further, since women are by nature sedentary, to place them into tough executive jobs, stretches their abilities to cope with the exacting demands on them, leading them, on the one hand to the neglect of the new generation both male and female, as well as to psychological, marital, and social breakdown. Whenever human societies have ignored these facts, and have burdened women with responsibilities they have not been endowed (by nature) with matching qualities, the experiment has failed, causing extreme distress, emotional pain, disorientation, and, ultimately, to breakup of the families.
Therefore, a male may receive an education (such as professional courses) that a female child may not be pushed into. She needs different tools and skills to cope with the upbringing of the children, running of a home, managing the economy, and hence, must receive a different kind of education. The two, male and female children cannot be treated similarly, equally, and equitably without doing injustice to both. Islam enjoins `Adl between the two sexes and not equality.
Specifically, in our modern times, a girl should be given special training and education in Islamic disciplines. This is because the modern system of education neither programs nor allows religious education. It demands the best of the student’s time, ignoring not merely spiritual needs, but even mental and physical needs. It churns out millions of skilled male technocrats, brilliant, but physically feminine and female technocrats, brilliant, but masculine. However, since the system is not in the control of Muslims, rather in the hands of the blind, there is little they can do about it except for training their daughters in religion. In so doing, they can rest assured that whatever the future son-in-law’s fate, at least the offspring of their daughters will grow up as Muslims. To train daughters in modern disciplines, in parity with the male offspring, is an error that promises to take away the happiness of this life and the bliss of the Hereafter.
As regards restrictions, yes, there have to be greater restrictions with the girls than boys. A boy is not as much target of the marauders outside as a girl is. Physically and emotionally weaker of the two, she can fall into wrong hands. A slight error can take away the smile from her for life. Physical consequences of male-female interactions are entirely borne by the female, while the drone moves on from one flower to another.
These are few hurried lines that we can offer. The topic requires that you – specifically as a mother – make a deeper study to be able to play a more responsible role.
I need a clarification on what is the religious view on sharing about personal matters with husband? I mean in case of a divorce, to what extent does the future husband have a right to know about physical intimacy etc with the previous ex-husband. Is the wife required to share at all? If so what are the requirements in religion.
I personally feel, Islam being a religion which respects women’s rights & freedom it provides, there is no obligation on the wife to share anything, in fact I find it demeaning that the future husband would ask any such questions. Would appreciate if I can get responses on the e-mail & not as published document in your journal. Just to give a little background & context to this, following are the details:
I was married for less than a month to a guy from Australia. The only time we were together was the one month immediately after marriage then he went back, never initiated the process to get me there. His family was here, mother & two sisters, they were married but used to stay with mother. The sisters’ husbands were in middle east, somewhat common in their family that husband go on work & family stays here… They come snd visit once a year.. Kind of strange for us, because that’s the basic one would require.
Anyway, after marriage, he went and his attitude changed. We had contact on phone only.. He would be like: ‘yeah, stay there, serve my mother and sisters. I’ll think of calling you here, give away the money you earn to mother,’ etc. Not that I didn’t do it; I even gave my money without telling my parents: at the end of it, its all for family, I didn’t mind at all. But the more I accommodated, the more vulnerable he made me… All I tried was to at least make a start of marriage which begins by living together, but then it became too humiliating and then parents got involved.. There was lot of emotional torture, verbal abuse, mistrust by him, accusations etc., that I heard and kept quiet just so that we can make a start.. After two years of this… just on phones etc., I stopped trying. All elders in the family got involved and finally resorted to khula.
Now few of the questions/perceptions have seen from guys is, ‘for that one month, how were things between you? Was he happy?’ etc. Sort of trying to lead into/judging if I am normal… Alhamdulillah, by all means I am a normal person, who has had to endure so much and to the extent of such questions from people, this puts me in a dilemma on how much is required to be shared… I understand maybe the guy does not know me, so he is trying to only assess… But somehow my conscience does not allow me talk more on it.. Please guide on this.
M. T., via email
There is little doubt about it that you are a victim of fraud. It is very likely that the man in Australia has a wife and children. Perhaps he was looking for a maidservant for his parents, but since that would have cost him money, which, being in Australia, he wouldn’t have enough, he resorted to marriage.
You might know, as parents in general know, that such cases of deceit are not rare, especially at the hands of those expatriates who come down from the Western countries, talk big of themselves, get married on false promises, have some fun and then disappear. It is the fear of stigma that prevents women from taking any legal action. But the stigma is stuck on them anyway, and they are left deceived by the criminal, and abandoned by the society (which is so good otherwise, that it creates the criminals anyway).
No, you need not share with the second husband all you have been through with the first. You should know that you are a victim, that separation was not your making, that they are criminals, that you are an honorable person, and that the society is unjust with you. You must, therefore, keep your head high and look at those who disdain you with disdain, and sympathy, and service. Allah will take revenge from all those who played some role or the other in this dirty game, or who sided with the wrongdoer, and will afford you the coolness of eyes on the Day of Judgment.
In the meanwhile, keep struggling, with great hopes of Allah’s mercy, remain committed to His religion, but also ready to face the worst. If you are ready for the worst, nothing can unsettle you.
I am delighted to discover that YMD is reviewing my book on ‘Jerusalem in the Qur’an’ as well as my other writings on the subject of Signs of the Last Day. I am presently writing on ‘An Islamic View of Gog and Magog in the Modern World’ and I am confident that this new book, InshaAllah, would assist Muslims in achieving clarity in respect of the subject. I have completed writing my Travelogue of my just-concluded one year of travels in the mission of Islam. I am sending it to you with the hope that it may be of some benefit.
Imran N. Hosein, via email
We are grateful for the Travelogue. However, these 75 pages are a nightmare for an abridgment worker who, in any case, is not easily to identify. We wonder whether you would have a shorter version that you might have written for some other purposes. Our own attempt might take a couple of months. All in all, it is quite interesting and we would definitely like to publish it.
We would be glad if you can look into our review of your work “Jerusalem in the Qur’an” and let us know how you evaluate it.
My husband in jail in Dhammam, KSA. What should I read from the Qur’an to release him from difficulty?
Mrs. Mariah Khan, via email
We are sorry to learn of your husband’s imprisonment. But you have not written why he is in prison. If he has committed a crime, he needs to repent before the following suggestion will benefit him. If it is a civil matter, such as involvement in an accident, then, we are sure matters will be easy and he should be out soon, Allah willing.
Hadith literature does not recommend any specific ayah of the Qur’an, or supplicatory words for release from prisons. He may therefore, engage himself in the prison how Yusuf (asws) engaged himself: calling people to Islam and working to improve their morals and religious affairs. In addition, and, in fact, more importantly, he should take up memorization of the Qur’an, after he had learnt some basic rules of tajweed. All these activities are possible in Saudi prisons and are counted in favor of the imprisoned. Memorization of the Qur’an helps in reduction of the length of imprisonment.
I have recently started reading YMD. I feel it is very helpful. I have been married since four years. I need to know if mast… is allowed in Islam. My next question is whether anal s.. is allowed. Can you tell me some source through which I can clarify rules of sex in Islam?
Danu Ikkery, via email
Since you are married, your indulgence in ..bation is an injustice to your spouse. As for the latter, it is strictly disallowed too.
For a frank discussion of the topics you will have to refer to large Fiqh works which are in Arabic. But, all that you will get out of them is what is stated above.
May Allah (swt) lead you to success in your mission. Professionally I am a veterinarian but unemployed. As my family background is poor so I am unable to do any thing for my family. I am losing hopes. I am 30-yr old facing problem in getting married due to my economic condition and as some times I sexually aroused, I am doing . . . bation to overcome sex. I know that this will affect my health but there is no other way. But thanks to Allah that I am in control and avoided Zina after several times get exposed to bad conditions. So now I would like to get castrated because of my bad economic and health condition. Please suggest me and give me the reason for why should I live? Please reply as soon as possible on the same mail ID.
Shaikh Mujahid Ahmed, via email
You have to live because you have been destined to live by the Life-giver. You live as long as He wills.
If you want an added reason for living, then, why not live for Islam? If you devoted yourself to an Islamic cause, wholly and completely, you will become less conscious of your failures in life. Many scholars of the past lived for no other reason but service to Islam, and ended too old to think of getting married and settle down to lives of the common people.