Letters to the Editor
Divorce and After
Q: YMD is an interesting magazine. You answer questions pertaining to Islam. I would like you to answer the following questions regarding Talaq. I was married three years ago. My husband started ill-treating me. After one year a son was born to me. When my son was five months old, following the ill-treatment of my husband, I left his house and came to my parents’ house. No step was taken for the reconciliation. After three months, he sent me Talaq papers stating that he had divorced me by way of ‘Biddat‘ saying three Talaq in one sitting and signing the papers. His two witnesses were present and they also signed. Nor myself, nor my relatives, nor Qazi was present there at that moment. Already one year and eight months have passed since that. My husband goes on telling people that he has divorced me. But I want to go back to him now.
Yours, indeed, is a sad story. It saddens more because such incidents of separation are on the rise everywhere. This means a good workable solution to the new social problem is not on the cards. Far from how the problem itself – (of separation) – as to how it can go away, modern society, which has created this problem, has no solution whatsoever to offer to those who are already suffering. The Islamic solution of a second wife, for those who can afford, is unacceptable to everyone concerned. Alright. But when you ask, “what’s the alternative?” – you are greeted with silence.
With time, such cases are bound to pile up in numbers, leading to a variety of evils. At the moment, these evils are lying low, waiting for people to get busy with other affairs. When that happens, and people get used to this present situation, those evils will appear, first stealthily, and then openly, by which time they would have taken good root. Subsequently, the society will end up with other unsolvable problems. Anyone who knows the history of social development and changes in the Western world, knows the cycle, and knows what is likely to come next as the cycle rolls on.
So, it is a sad story.
However, in your case, you seem to have left your husband, without perhaps telling him what you intended to do, whether you would go back or not. As you say, no steps were taken for reconciliation either. So, he presumed that you didn’t wish to go back to him and took the step that he took.
Now, we are not absolving him of that step. It was a wrong, and hasty step. He should have sought to sit down with you and discuss all aspects of the issue and taken a joint decision with you and the relatives of both sides. But, apparently, that was not done.
Islamically, to divorce you, he didn’t need a Qadi, nor the witnesses, nor your approval. After all, in terms of money, he was the loser. However, by adding witnesses, he made it worse. Those were evil people who bore witness to an evil act. And, as a final nail in the coffin, he wrote down three Talaqs.
Now, both of you are in a hopeless situation. So far as you both getting together is concerned, by Islamic law this is not possible. That can only happen if you marry another man and he divorces you by his free will.
A ray of hope consists in your former husband revoking the Talaq, if originally he said or wrote in anger. He might go to a Mufti, explain to him what happened, and admit that he did it out of anger and in a state in which he was not in his senses. But, of course, that is only possible, if that truly happens to be the case. That is, if he genuinely feels that, that is how it happened. On the contrary, if he feels that at the time he wrote down the Talaq, he was in his senses, fully aware of what he was writing, and of the implication of three Talaqs, then, of course there is no hope. He cannot change his words now or the intention under which he wrote the Talaq paper.
Let your representative then talk to him and find the truth. All will depend on the condition under which the man wrote the paper.
Q. I want to go back without becoming a Halala. Is it Haram? If I want to go back what steps should I take. Can I remarry him with fresh Mehr without Halala?
If your former husband insists that he meant three Talaqs, there is no way you can go back to him without the process of another marriage and divorce by will. Nor can you marry him with a fresh Mahar.
Q. Is there any time limit of going back? Should I go back within two years from the date of Talaq.
No, there is no time limit and you cannot remarry him after two years, or any number of years without the process as stated above.
Q. My child is two years, three months, old now. He is deprived of fatherly love.
Why should the child be deprived of the fatherly love? The child, although in your custody, remains yours as well as his father’s progeny. The father should visit his son as frequently as possible. Later, as the son grows and learns the way up and down, he can also visit him. In the meanwhile, his father should pay all costs of his maintenance, until he is able to economically support himself, after puberty.
Q. I have become a burden on my parents.
A child can never be a burden on her or his parents.
Further, several things have gone wrong resulting in this present situation and your parents are as much responsible for this situation as you are. For e.g., as soon as you arrived home from the husband, it was for them to rush out and work at reconciliation. If they didn’t, they hold the responsibility for it. If they were then influenced by your adamancy, then too they are to be blamed for accepting the influence of an inexperienced person and letting her do what she wished to do. They being experienced, should have prevailed on you rather than you on them. We do not know who made the choice of the husband for you. Assuming that you did, they are still responsible, to an extent, for having allowed you to make a choice and then break off the relationship. In all these affairs, it is the experienced parents who should come to the rescue of the younger ones.
Again, what kind of education did they give you that led you to make hasty decisions? Did they ever teach you about the problems you might face in married life? Did they tell you that if you remain a practicing Muslim, you are less likely to encounter such crisis? Did they tell you that when faced up with problems of ill treatment, as a Muslim you are to respond with patience with good hope in Allah (swt) to solve your problem? In short, your parents do hold some responsibility for what has happened.
Therefore, they should gracefully accept their responsibility, acknowledge their failure to do things that perhaps they didn’t, and guide you now through this crisis, rather than consider you a burden.
Finally, how can you be a burden when the Prophet has said that “The food for two is enough for three, the food for three is enough for four?” When your parents eat, you can join in as the third and the food of the two should be sufficient for the three, if you all believe in Allah (swt) and the words of the Prophet.
Yes, they might feel sorry that you are not in a satisfactory situation, and regretful, but, the question of burden does not arise? Haven’t they been promised Paradise for looking after you?
Again, you may have your problems, but for your parents you are a kind of blessing so long as you are with them. For, you will be doing household work at home and offer relief to the aging souls. We don’t see why they shouldn’t be happy about this.
Yes, they might be a bit worried about you. But, that would be on your behalf. However, if you yourself take it spiritedly, then, they will be less melancholic.
Q. Please answer all my questions. My entire life depends upon your answers. Please spare some time from your busy schedule & answer me in detail.
Well, your life neither depends on our answers, nor on anyone else’s answers. After Allah (swt), who is Most Kind upon those who turn to Him, your life is in your own hands. You can make of it, what you wish to make.
Naturally, first of all, (after you turn to Allah (swt) in penitence) you need to restore confidence in yourself. Why should your life hinge on a single person: your former husband? Let us assume you cannot go back to him. So what? Allah (swt) said (4: 130), “But if the two (husband and wife) separate, Allah will enrich each of them from His bounty. Allah is Ever Encompassing, Ever Wise.” He also said (65: 2), “And whoever feared Allah, He will show him a way out.” So, Allah (swt) will show you the way out.
What you need to do at your level, to restore your confidence in yourself, is to say to yourself that what was in the past is hereby consigned to the past. As for future, you will make a fresh start.
We do not know what your education has been. You could, for e.g., go for higher education. That will keep you busy, and open gates of opportunity. If you are already well qualified, you might take up an employment and offer your parents economic help. After a while you could get married too.
On the religious side too, it is time you did some serious things. A study of the Qur’an and Sunnah should be launched. The study itself will afford such inward peace that the worries of the world would be reduced in their intensity.
You may also take up teaching of young boys and girls of your neighborhood. To educate them in Islam would be another source of joy and peace of mind. Such interaction, and the impression that you are a productive woman, is very likely to bring you proposals of marriage. If that happens, it would certainly prove to be a more successful one because you would have been chosen for a good reason.
We have only hinted at some of the things that you could do. There are several things that a free person can do to serve the society, the individuals, and one’s own self, resulting in a sense of completion and achievement. These are priceless values by themselves.
Q. I have been reading YMD for a couple of years and find it very informative. My family and I, particularly enjoy and learn from the “Questions & Answers” section as it handles most contemporary issues that the Muslims are facing in India and abroad. I would request you to clarify the matter of wearing Taveez. Even if you have mentioned this issue in previous articles, please clarify this matter once more.
There is a hadith of the Prophet which says, “Whoever hung something, is bound up to that thing.” The hadith lends several meanings. One is: whosoever hung an amulet to himself, to another, or to an animal, etc., has his destiny depending on it.
Another meaning is that the likely psychological effect on such a person would be that he would begin to depend on that thing, rather than on Allah (swt). Now, to depend on other than Allah (swt), is, a kind of association with Him (shirk), since all powers rest with Allah (swt), and nothing happens in the universe without His will and approval.
Therefore, most scholars have disapproved of amulets, strings worn in the neck, on the hand, etc.
Q. Some Taveez have parts of the Holy Qur’an in them, while others have Ganj-al-Arsh or any other non-Qur’anic verses. Is there a difference between the validity of these?
Since amulets themselves have a question mark on them, what is written inside will have a similar question mark. However, if there are words of disbelief, or of association with Allah (swt), then, wearing such amulets would be outright impermissible. Even those who allow, even though half-heartedly, will unhesitatingly say that wearing anything that has words of disbelief, or material from other religious or non-religious scriptures, is unlawful without a second opinion.
Q. Ganj-al-Arsh is supposed to be verses from Allah’s chair, it is not mentioned in the Qur’an but it is mentioned there in Hadith. Is this true?
This is a lie and a great sin for those who fasten lies upon Allah (swt) and His Messenger. There is no such thing in the hadith. To be sure, there is not even a fabricated report to this effect. The so-called Ganj-al-`Arsh is an invention dating several centuries after the Prophet. How can it be in the hadith literature?
Q. Some Taveez are made by ‘special holy men,’ while others are made at home (with black clothes, threads and wax). Is there a difference? Can either be used?
The so-called holy men are hoaxes. They are equivalent of the priestly class in other religions who live on the earnings of the common people. They and the material they offer should be avoided as you would avoid a piece of burning coal on your palm.
Q. Did Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) do this or advise this practice to his companions or anybody? If there is a form of Taveez that can be used by Muslims, please define the criteria and types, if any.
No, the Prophet never advised anyone to wear a Ta’weedh (amulet).
Further, there is no need for the Muslims to wear Ta`weedh. A good, practicing Muslim is protected by angels and Allah’s unseen forces. He is further protected by reciting the various supplications that the Prophet recommended for various occasions. One of his hadith says, “Whoever recited (the following) morning and evening is protected from all evils: ‘In the name of One Allah, with whose Name nothing harms in the earth nor in the heavens, and who is the Hearer, the Knower.’”
That is, all that one requires to do, to save himself from the evils of the earth and the heavens, is to say the above words, in full belief, once in the morning, and once in the evening. But, let us say someone doesn’t do his five daily Prayers. Then there is no supplication, and no amulet that can save him from evils.
Q. And, one more doubt, the Imaam prays and leads the congregational prayers from a recess or small room at the front of the mosque. Is there anything special in making Dua from here or it does not make any difference, our Duas carry the same weight whether in the mosque or in the house? Are there any special ‘places’ from where to make Duas?
Supplications after Prayers is not the Sunnah of the Prophet. He did not make supplication, after the Prayers, in congregation, as is done by the Imam in many parts of the world today.
As for which is the best place for supplications, the answer is, there is no special place for making supplications, except of course the Sha’aa’ir-Allah (the holy sites in Makkah). However, there are special times when supplications are more likely to be heard and answered, such as, after a good deed, after charity, during the last third part of the night, after ‘Asr Prayers until Maghrib, between Adhan and Iqamah, in the battle-field, etc.
Q. Many people say that there are around two million Ahadith and only a scholar who has studied ‘all’ of these can comment on the Islamic validity of Taveez, Ganj-al-Arsh and places for Duas.
This is a clever Satanic ploy to gain legitimacy for wrongful deeds in the name of Islam. The number of ahadith does not go to 2 million. Depending on how you count, (whether or not variations in the wordings, or in the narrators, will be left out), there are no more than 100,000 trustworthy ahadith, no matter how you count. And, there are many people around who know all of them. That is, when a hadith is mentioned before them, they can say with quite some certainty whether it is a Prophetic statement or not. Indeed, there are scholars who can do a little more than that. When offered a report, they can even say if it is trustworthy or not. In other words, not only they know the trustworthy reports, but also untrustworthy ones.
Nevertheless, in our times, we need not depend on such scholars, especially when the thriving, professional priestly class of Islam, has planted doubts about the trustworthy scholars. Anyone, therefore, who does not trust the hadith scholars, can easily look into the written works and search for the ahadith about Ganj al-`Arsh and other such reports.
In fact, the task has now become much easier. There are hadith computer programs that have recorded every single hadith work in the electronic media. One of them, produced by Al-`Arees, is so big, (since it include every book of hadith, and more), that it comes in 3 CDs. In addition there are Internet sites that offer ahadith collections. For e.g., an Internet site called “Al-muhaddith” has every thinkable hadith book posted on its site, which can be downloaded by anyone, at no cost, with the click of a mouse: All he needs is good space in his hard disk.
But, the problem is, neither those who claim that there are two million ahadith, nor those who believe in their statements, can make use of these computer programs or Internet sites. Why? Because, they do not know the Arabic language. Even the so-called top class holy men, the chief of chiefs, hardly know enough Arabic to be able to understand a hadith wholly, if offered in Arabic. It is another thing that they cleverly hide this fact from the masses, and act as if they are experts in the Arabic language. But the scholars know where they stand.
Instead of making false claims of the sort they make, should they not post the collection of those ahadith on the Internet? After all, are they not operating several Internet sites, where they can post the ahadith you have mentioned?
Interestingly, several Internet sites that are owned by the people in question, do not have a single hadith book posted on their site. Any explanation from the lovers of the Prophet?
Q: I will always be indebted to you for keeping me away from Bid’a and Shirk and all the evils in our society. YMD has helped me immensely in following right beliefs. I have some doubts regarding the following points. This will be of great help for me if you clear my doubts. Is there any mention of Dua Yaseen being recited after Surah Yaseen in Prophet’s (pbuh) traditions?
There is no hadith which recommends a particular Du`a to be recited after Surah Yasin, or any other Surah, or even after the recitation of the Qur’an.
Q. Are references cited pertaining to Ahadnama?
We do not know what this Ahadnama is.
Q. Will ablution be still valid after clipping nails, trimming moustache or beard?
No, ablution would be nullified.
Q. Is it necessary to change place after Fard prayers?
It is not absolutely necessary to change places after the termination of obligatory Prayers. It is only preferable. However, more preferable is to do the Sunnah at home which was the practice of the Prophet and his Companions.
Q. Can dua be made after each Sunnah and Nafil prayers – or only after Fard prayers?
Supplications can be made at any time, especially after every good act. Therefore, they can be made after the obligatory Prayers, as well as after every Sunnah or Nafil Prayers. However, the recommended way would be not to spend a lot of time in supplications, especially if it is at the cost of recitation of the Qur’an, or study of hadith, etc. One may – especially if he is young – devote more time to study of religious texts than he would to supplications. But, if someone is already devoted to studies, and still has time to make frequent and long supplications, then he might do it.
Q. Can we start ablution after Adhan has started?
Yes, why not?
Q. Can we answer to Adhan while making ablution?
Yes, you can.
Q. Should we also say Darud while replying to Adhan‘s ‘Ashhadu anna Muhammad ar Rasoolullah?’
The Sunnah is to repeat the adhan words with the muedhdhin. Nevertheless, there is nothing wrong in reciting the peace formula, after the words of the muedhdhin “I bear witness that Muhammad is a Messenger of Allah.”
Q. Is dua after Fard Salah with Imam in congregation Bid`ah?
Muhammad Shafi` Deobandi, the former Hanafiyy Mufti of Pakistan has written in his “Jawahirul Fiqh” that the Prophet did not make congregational supplication after the obligatory Prayers with the Companions behind saying Ameen.
The Prophet used to turn to the congregation facing them, after his Salam. He stayed for a while doing his personal adhkaar, saying supplicatory words, and then got up and went home. He did not even supplicate for himself with raised hands after the Prayers.